Mental health and attendance difficulties are much in the news in these post covid times and, as many of you will probably agree, early years (and even earlier!) is probably the best time to address and prevent burgeoning difficulties. Of course attuned attachment based therapeutic interventions and relationship-based support with parents, mothers and their babies and toddlers is crucial to support and even 'turn around' struggling families and children.

My emphasis today however, outlined and available on my website: www.angewlagreenwood.com is on the amazing difference school staff can make with all children, and especially with vulnerable and at risk little ones, as they have the priviledge of seeing them on a regular and long-term basis. When however you have not known nurturing attuned understanding, love and support, to experience such relationships firsthand can often be difficult to trust at first; but as time goes on, and the ups and downs are 'survived', such relationships strengthen and can become life changing (along with other interventions they are now able to access perhaps). This experience can be so rewarding (despite being challenging at times) for everyone. But school staff need training in this nurturing thoughtful approach. Understanding behaviour as unconscious communication for example - maybe defensive reactions to prevent anticipated unbearable hurt, or patterns of relating they have developed through their abusive history.  Experiences of trauma, and dysfunctional attachment patterns (going back through the generations?), or a child's neurodivergent brain connections may inhibit and disturb children and families' 'normal' ways of relating and playing.

Sadly though, this sort of training is often missing from teacher training and from teacher and nursery assistant and even special needs coordinator training. It is sorely needed. My Inclusion manager friend worked this sort of thoughtful understanding, approach (including lots of training and supervision) in her deprived nursery/infant school very successfully, and NQT's and trainee teachers, discovering the amazing difference such ways of working made would often say, "Why weren't we taught this in our training?"

I know there are others out there working and offering training in such understanding and approaches, but I also know that 'zero tolerance' quick fix behaviourist approaches too often prevail. Let's hope we can spread these thoughtful nurturing possibilities more widely - for the sake of our wider society as well as our most needy children and families. 

'I was interested in your research Sal. Maybe I could add something to your interesting and, for someone who likes to encourage authenticity and inner confidence in children, not so surprising findings. I am not a researcher but a (now retired) educational psychotherapist who, as well as offering individual psychotherapy to children, also worked as a supervisor and a trainer of teachers and school staff.  

For some years I worked as a consultant at a pupil referral unit, and I saw first hand how the children and young people there were often very conflicted about praise. Sometimes they craved it, but frequently it would trigger them into negative reactivity and even 'acting out', as they 'railed against' the erupting thoughts that they 'weren't good', that what they had done was actually rubbish, that they were stupid and bad etc. - thoughts which were not on their mind before the 'praise' triggered them. Praise is after all a judgement - albeit a positive one, and can alert self judgements if we are feeling sensitive - although for most people this is over-ridden by the encouragement and uplift it brings.

In my trainings with staff working with insecure and vulnerable children I would therefore be careful to alert participants to how more vulnerable children can easily 'turn praise upside down', and how taking an interest in the details of something they are doing, and/or noticing and gently acknowledging observable signs of growth can be less threatening, and even help them reflect on their own inner growth.

Eg:    " Of course I'll help you Sam. I was just thinking that I think that's the first time you've asked me for help. Its good to ask for help when we need it. I think you're growing stronger. What do you think?"

angelagreenwood.net

Thank you for your contribution on self regulation Hannah. It is such an important skill to develop and happens naturally through attuned trusted support and relationships, and through understanding support until they begin to internalise their own capacities. Of course most of us get this as we grow up with caring available help, and talking things through when we need it, and weaning as we grow stronger, from our secure families. But some children sadly have the opposite experience. The good news is that secure nurturing and understanding schools can slowly shift this dysfunction through understanding, thoughtful, caring support and relationships. Enough sensitive and properly trained school staff can make a big difference, as they often see such children every day, but they need skilled support, as such children will certainly challenge them at times. It is certainly wonderful to see children grow stronger with thoughtful help and responsiveness, and firm humanely set boundaries. 

In relation to regulation you may like to check out my posters (viewable on my website (www.angelagreenwood.net) - eg: posters: 2,3, 4, 17 & 21 on the effects of unsupported trauma, posters 5 &6 on responding to children’s behavioural communications, posters 11,12 & 23 on the helpfulness of containing communication, poster 13 on preventing and managing outbursts (when children need help with regulation) poster 14 on the foundational importance of a secure base to ease the need for dysregulation, poster 24 on the helpfulness of a nurture base for children who struggle with regulation etc.
There is also a lot more detail in my 2020 book on the subject eg: in chapter (3) on trauma, on p.106-119 on the chaotic disorganised child who typically cannot self regulate and needs relationship-based help to manage this and to slowly internalise such capacity, and on p.138-143 on offering such children a 'second-chance attachment experience’.

Also on my website Safe to Learn sessions 3, 5, and 6 may give the best summary.

With best wishes for all your wonderful endeavours.
Angela