I have been a professional advising on getting kids back into school.

Now I sit on the other side of the table as the parent. It's heartbreaking seeing your child in distress every morning. It's so difficult to balance your child's needs with work and to make the right decisions. On top of this is work and financial pressures of missed days. And the dread when phoning school and not knowing how they will react. Parents in this position have been through so much and are often struggling. They are the expert on their child. A few things that can help:

1. The first thing you can do is to take away the fear of being fined or prosecuted. Reassure parents that if their child is to anxious to come to school that the absence will be authorised as it would for a physical illness. 

2. Ask how they would like to be contacted.

3. Listen to what they say may work for their child.

4. Validate that it's hard and that they are doing their best. This will mean so much.

5. Learn about masking and realise that lots of children who look 'fine' are anything but.

This is a good article to help reframe 'school refuser' (which blames the child / parent) to school avoidance due to anxiety.  And you are right - whatever the circumstances, the anxiety is real and huge to the child and we must accept that.  

We have been working with a number of children and families in this situation, and it is absolutely the adjustments the school makes, in small steps as the child is able, that makes the difference.  But schools must be aware that the adjustments need to stay in place.  It's no good putting them in place temporarily just to get them into school as the absence of the adjustments were often what caused the anxiety in the first place.  

The sad thing is that some children's needs have gone unmet for so long (sometimes because they masked) that the child is in burnout and needs some therapy to recover from that even before they can attempt to re-enter the school systems.  Schools and parents might have thought the child was doing okay because that is what it looked like.  In the end, when a child is burnt out, some parents have to look at Education Other Than at School (EOTAS) instead.  But to get to that point a child needs an EHCP assessment and a lot of negotiation into their 'package' which is often way beyond many parents knowledge and energy to fight for.

SENCOs can help by keeping a record of all the things the school does to try and support the child, even when it doesn't work. Some authorities do a good EBSA visual based anxiety checklist that can be used to gather evidence of school trigger points etc.  The application for EHCP needs assessment can be knocked back when schools say they can't send in evidence because the child hasn't been in school.  Please do consider a home visit and get other evidence from the child and parents.  It will help them so much. 

I love the fact you name them as school avoiders.  Thank goodness the term school refusers is being erased out. 

This card deck I created can be helpful for parents & teens to help understand how their behaviours link to their emotions https://polyvagalteen.com/product/polyvagal-teen-card-deck/

Heres also my latest podcast episode where I speak to an ex-teacher where we talk about school avoiders. 

https://www.buzzsprout.com/2196527/episodes/13108589

I have been a professional advising on getting kids back into school.

Now I sit on the other side of the table as the parent. It's heartbreaking seeing your child in distress every morning. It's so difficult to balance your child's needs with work and to make the right decisions. On top of this is work and financial pressures of missed days. And the dread when phoning school and not knowing how they will react. Parents in this position have been through so much and are often struggling. They are the expert on their child. A few things that can help:

1. The first thing you can do is to take away the fear of being fined or prosecuted. Reassure parents that if their child is to anxious to come to school that the absence will be authorised as it would for a physical illness. 

2. Ask how they would like to be contacted.

3. Listen to what they say may work for their child.

4. Validate that it's hard and that they are doing their best. This will mean so much.

5. Learn about masking and realise that lots of children who look 'fine' are anything but.

That checklist of symptoms is spot on. Made me chuckle and warmed my heart to know there are others out there that are their own SENDCo islands too. 

Just keep swimming, fellow swans!