Working in partnership with parents - how to talk to parents about SEND (part two)

In the first part of this two-part series, we looked at the importance of establishing and maintaining relationships with parents/carers. We also highlighted some key aspects to consider when you are speaking to parents/carers about their child’s learning and development, such as ensuring that the language you use and the information you share is clear and concise. Part two focuses on some of the things that you should discuss with parents/carers and the importance of creating time and space to have such discussions. It will additionally look at the role of working in partnership with other professionals to support a child’s learning and development further.
Highlight what is working well
Although it is important to be honest and clear in terms of the difficulties a child may be experiencing, it is equally important to highlight a child’s progress and celebrate with a parent/carer their achievements. Rather than just specifically focusing on what a child can’t do, focus on the positive, and plan and share next steps with parents/carers to show how you are going to support their child in achieving the next stage in their learning and development.
Furthermore, from personal experience both as a professional and a parent, it is important to not only focus on a child’s academic/learning outcomes and difficulties but to also share little day-to-day experiences and achievements such as what they played with, if they played with or alongside other children, what they enjoyed doing that day. If possible take photographs alongside written observations showing these moments to share with parents/carers. As a professional, I understand the value of well written observations, however, as a parent, sometimes I just like to see the photo rather than read a long observation.
Time
As highlighted in the first part of this article, parents/carers may be in a rush to get to work or have other commitments they need to attend to in the mornings, when bringing their child into the setting. Furthermore, they should be given an indication before a meeting that you want to speak to them about their child’s learning and development. So when a parent/carer brings their child to the setting, it may not be the best time to speak to them. Additionally, if it is the first time you are approaching a parent/carer with concerns about their child, it should not happen on an ad hoc basis. Therefore, plan a time to have a meeting with the parent/carer where you both have time to sit down and discuss their child’s learning and development and any potential next steps without having to be time conscious or feel rushed.
A further point to consider is that after an initial conversation with a parent/carer, they may have lots of questions. Ensure you make yourself as available as possible, to give them as much as they need to raise any concerns. Also, if you must action something a parent/carer has raised or requested, make sure you do it as promptly as possible and inform them when you have and let them know any outcomes or further information that it has created.
Space
Another important aspect to consider when talking to parents/carers is space. You should identify a comfortable and private area to talk to parents/carers. Think about the seating arrangements too as you do not want the parent/carer to feel intimidated. Where possible, avoid sitting at a desk with them in front of you, or have different sized chairs that place you at an elevated position.
Consider who is important to have in the meeting with you. It may be more appropriate to have just the child’s key person and parent/carer in an initial meeting, rather than surrounding them with lots of people, such as the setting SENDco or manager. There may be a time when having these additional people in a meeting is beneficial, however, I would not suggest it for an initial meeting. Although these things may seem like minor details, they can make a huge difference in terms of how you make the parent/carer feel. Your overall aim is to make them feel safe, secure, valued and respected. This will assist you in maintaining good relationships, which will facilitate you in providing effective support and provision for their child.
I would also suggest that the initial meeting/conversation is without the child present. This will allow the parent/carer to react openly and not have to filter what they feel or what to say. After the first meeting, you can discuss with them and their child if they want to be present moving forward. However, if a parent/carer decides that they do not want their child to be present in a meeting, it is still important to represent their child’s voice and take the time to document the child’s feelings, needs and interests. It is crucial to acknowledge the child’s voice and priorities as what may seem important to parents/carers and practitioners may not be a priority for the child. It is vital to listen, value and work in partnership with both the child and their parents/carers to provide the right support.
Follow up
A good practice tip that I use regularly is to document any meetings or conversations that I have had with a parent/carer. I ensure that they receive a copy which summarises key points from the meeting and highlight the next steps and who will be responsible for actioning them. This has many purposes, the main one being that parents/carers can revisit what was said, as they may feel a bit overwhelmed with the information that you have given them. It additionally acts as a prompt for them to ask any further questions that they may have but could not think of at the time. Documenting the meeting also shows accountability, reassuring parents/carers that if you have said you will action something by a certain date, you intend to put support into place. Within my practice, I usually document meetings via email and start by thanking them for attending a meeting or by stating that as a follow up to our earlier conversation, I would just like to provide a summary of what we discussed. I tend to end the email by reiterating that if they have any further questions then they can talk to me at any time. If a parent/carer does not have access to emails, you could put the summary of the meeting/conversation in writing and give it to them. Parents/carers need to understand that an initial meeting about potential delays in their child’s learning and development is never a one-off conversation and you will continue to follow up and discuss their child with them.
Working in partnership with other professionals
Although as an early years practitioner it is your role and responsibility to identify and support young children with SEND, you are not expected to know everything, and this is okay! If a parent/carer does ask you a question that you do not know the answer to, this is not something you should be embarrassed about. Simply say “I do not know the answer to that right now, however, I will try and find it for you”. Equally, if you think you know the answer but are not entirely sure, rather than potentially giving a parent/carer false information, again, inform them that you will get back to them on it.
Furthermore, there are other professionals who specialise in specific areas of SEND, such as speech and language therapists and early years inclusion services. These professionals will have the knowledge and experience to provide targeted support for a child and in some cases, they may be in a position to diagnose any potential SEND, which is out of your remit as an early year’s practitioner. Therefore, there may come a point, following conversations with a child’s parents/carers where you both agree that the next step in supporting their child is to make a referral to other professionals. Initially, as an early years practitioner, you may be the person who makes the referral and acts on behalf of the child/parent/carer until the referral is accepted and the professional makes contact with the family. It is important to update parents/carers on what happens when a referral to another professional has been made and if you receive any response from them.
Summary
Talking to a parent/carer about their child’s learning and development which could indicate a potential SEND is a difficult conversation to have. For many children, you may not need to raise any concerns about their learning and development with their parents/carers while they are in your setting. However, there may be other life events that happen, and you will still need to have difficult conversations with parents/carers about them. Therefore, establishing and maintaining good relationships with parents/carers from the very beginning can aid effective communication, especially when you need to discuss something that goes above and beyond your daily updates.
As early years practitioners, you are all well versed in being able to recognise and understand the needs of young children and identify when their learning and development are not going as expected. However, many parents/carers do not know what ‘typical’ learning and development is. It is your role and responsibility to communicate any concerns and support parents/carers in developing their knowledge and understanding. For some parents, they may already share your concerns, but for others, it can be a complete shock and it will take them longer to acknowledge and process the information you are sharing with them. Although most parents/carers want the best for their child, some are not yet ready to accept that their child needs more support or want to start going down the pathway of having a potential SEND.
As practitioners, we must give parents/carers time and space, and have patience to walk them through their own child’s needs at their pace. Although this may be a lot slower than you would like, it must be parent/carer led. Equally, you must respect a parent/carer's decision not to acknowledge or accept that their child may have additional learning and development needs. All we can do is provide them with the information that they need to make an informed decision, even if the outcome conflicts with your own.
Furthermore, we need to ensure that we are recognising and accommodating the needs of parents/carers as much as the needs of their child and adapt our approach to ensure we are meeting their needs. Not all parents/carers are skilled communicators, and there may be barriers hindering them from working in partnership with you. You must recognise this and implement strategies to overcome any barriers and support them effectively.
When having more difficult conversations with parents/carers, it may not always go as smoothly as you had envisioned, and you are not always going to get it ‘right’. However, with any skill it takes time and practice to refine it. If you are worried about having a conversation with a parent/carer, rather than avoid it, practice and role play it with other practitioners beforehand and make some notes on the things you want to discuss during the meeting. Although in this article, I highlighted that it is important to reduce the number of people who are in attendance at an initial meeting with parents/carers, if you feel that you need another practitioner with you for support then that is appropriate. As much as it is our goal to make parents/carers feel safe, secure, valued and respected during more difficult conversations, we need to extend that courtesy to ourselves too.
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