Even very young children are faced with situations that test these developing skills and they need to learn how to grow their ability to gain a sense of control over them.  An example of this would be learning to respond appropriately to disappointment rather than having a temper tantrum or asking for help when feeling stressed rather than having a meltdown.

So, what can we do to support this in our children?

1. Provide a responsive relationship

This involves showing them self-calming strategies and providing physical and emotional comfort when your child is showing signs of stress. For example, you could give them a strong hug or get them to take 3 deep breaths.  Hold your finger out in front of them and ask them to imagine they are smelling a flower.  This will prompt them to take a deep breath in through their nose. Then ask them to blow out through their mouth, as if they are blowing out a candle.

2. Provide structure

Provide consistent routines as much as possible, For example, regular mealtimes and consistent bedtime routines.  Think about how you feel when something happens that you are not expecting! Routines help children learn what to expect, which makes it easier for them to feel comfortable.

3. Teach self-regulation skills

Apply age-appropriate rules and use positive behaviour management strategies. For example, when they are doing the right thing, such as tidying their toys or helping a friend, let them know that you’ve noticed and you are proud of them.

4. Model targeted self-regulation skills

It is important to model skills such as waiting, problem-solving, calming down, and expressing emotion. Your child will learn from what you show them. For example, if they interrupt a conversation, don't stop your conversation to attend to their needs. Tell that that they will need to wait.