Esther Freeman is an EFT tapping practitioner, working with families struggling with school avoidance and anxiety. She tells the story of a family she has worked with recently. If you would like to learn more about how tapping could help children at your school, you can get in touch with Esther via her website.

Since the Covid 19 pandemic, school absence rates have doubled. While the previous Government launched advertising campaigns that seemed to help nobody; and parents continue to feel stressed about letters sent home; a different, gentler technique does exist.

Giulietta stood outside the school gates with her 11 year old daughter, Ella, who refused to go in. She dreaded what was coming next, because she’d been here before, with her eldest daughter, Jessica.

“When Ella expressed all the same doubts, insecurities and anxieties about school as Jessica, using exactly the same language, I felt so triggered,” explained Giulietta. “All the old feelings started bubbling up again.”

Jessica started secondary school in September 2022, but her EBSA (Emotionally Based School Avoidance) began well before that. It was in Year 2, after the school rejigged the class. The change in children and teachers caused huge anxiety for her.

“In the morning, I’d get her dressed and she’d take all her clothes off again,” Giulietta said. “She’d hide around the house, under beds and in wardrobes. When we eventually left the house, she would run the opposite way. People would see this little girl in school uniform running down the street and I felt so judged. There were times when my husband had to carry her in, kicking and screaming.”

Giulietta said the school responded well, with the Inclusion Officer coming out to meet them every morning. She built a good relationship with Jessica, and things got a little easier. Then the Head teacher changed, lockdown happened, and things deteriorated again.

The family decided to move both children to a new school, for a fresh start. Within the first week Jessica had run away. She did it again a few weeks later, and there were many more aborted attempts. The school responded well, and sent a teacher out to meet them on their way to school. They implemented a part time timetable, so Jessica could learn at home in the morning, and come in during the afternoons. An EHCP (Educational Health and Care Plan) was put in place and things got better. Slowly Jessica moved back to full time education.

Towards the end of Year 6 things got bad again, as the big secondary transition approached. The first month in her new school seemed to go well, but by the end of September the wheels had fallen off again. By October, she was going to the class, picking up work, and hiding in various places around the school. The SENCO said they needed to know where she was, so arranged for her to sit in the offices of various heads of department. After half term Jessica started running away again.

“It was 6^th January 2023 when I decided we couldn’t do this anymore,” explained Giulietta. “I had walked around in the rain with Jessica for about 90 minutes. We stood at the gate, soaking wet. The SENCO came out and he got wet through too. I said to him, ‘I can’t do this anymore. I think it is cruel. I don’t think it is right for Jessica and I don’t think it is right for you.’ The SENCO said he agreed, and didn’t think they could meet her needs any more. It wasn’t said in a horrible way, just accepting the reality of the situation. I went home and apologised to Jessica for making her go in to school every day.”

Today, Jessica has an EOTAS (Education Other Than At School) package, and is a lot happier. Having two children doing EOTAS would not be practical though. So when Ella started showing the same difficulties as her big sister, Giulietta’s heart sank.

This is where I stepped in. I am a SEND parent myself, and an EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) tapping practitioner. Tapping is a type of talk therapy, combined with acupuncture. Instead of needles, we use our fingers. Having been through EBSA with my own daughter, I knew this simple but powerful technique could provide some answers for Giulietta and Ella.

When tapping around family issues, we always start with the parent first, to clear any stress they are holding. Giuletta admitted that she was triggered by Ella’s behaviour, so in our first session we worked on that.

“I had compartmentalise my feelings so I didn’t have to deal with them,” explained Giulietta. “The tapping helped me to process them. I could feel them vibrating through me. I felt so much calmer with Ella afterwards. I wasn’t having the same reactions.”

A week or two later, I went to Giulietta’s house to do a session with Ella. It was a shorter session, due to her age. Giulietta stayed in the room, and tapped along with us. By the end of one session she was able to see some positives about starting her new school, such as catching up with old friends. Giulietta commented on how Ella’s whole body seemed to relax as the session progressed. I noticed how her speech improved, speaking in a louder, more confident voice.

That first day in September didn’t go without any hitches. There was some anxiety on the school gates, which I’d advised might happen. I’d given them some tapping routines they could use together, and the school SENCO came out to greet Ella. This gave her the confidence to go in.

I caught up with Giulietta the other day, to see if they might need any further help, but there hadn’t been any more issues. “She just isn’t coming home dysregulated any more. She can tell me things that happened in school without getting upset about it. Her worries aren’t overwhelming her like they used to. I would definitely recommend it to other parents.”

Tapping isn’t just something that should be used at home. It can be an essential tool inside the classroom and throughout the school day, for children who may find the environment overwhelming. If you would like to learn more about how tapping could help at your school, you can get in touch with me via my website.